So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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