I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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