I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
