when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want to be your penis for a week.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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