Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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