The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
