Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
