One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
