I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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