I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
