Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
