I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
