At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
