I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
