Say something about gay babies.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
