i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
