I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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