omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
