y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
smell my finger.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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