I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
