My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
