dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
did i walk over a car last night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
