Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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