I hate your face
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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