The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
