As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
