he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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