I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
