Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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