he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
