1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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