is wine microwaveable?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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