She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
