The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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