Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
