I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
