shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
