at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
