Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize