is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
