Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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