Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
