So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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