Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
