JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
