Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just puked most of my soul out..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
