I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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