hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
