It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
