I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
