just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
