i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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