Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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