Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
