all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
