I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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