after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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