The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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