i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
