I think I won the penis lottery.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
