So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
