I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
