***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
