I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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