Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
