Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
