he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
