Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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