@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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