I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize