it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
