the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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