I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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