Im at strip club and am horny
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
