We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
