if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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