It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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