I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize