my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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