i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
