It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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