my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
