Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
