I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
