No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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