Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
