careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
