they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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