I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize