Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Randomize
