Its about making memories worth repressing
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
