If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
