i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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