I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
