We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
