So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize