I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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