walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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